Dark Necessities are part of my Design
During a recent debate discussing the need for emotional intelligence and agility in the workplace a challenging thought was put on the table when someone presented their perspective that self-regulation was about “hiding emotions wasn’t it?”
I
have
always considered self-regulation as being mindful of our internal narrative, accepting our emotions by recognising and then navigating them for helpful outcomes. Emotions and thoughts can be positive or negative. A recognised human tendency is to unconsciously navigate towards our Negative Automatic Thoughts (NATs), a psychological concept often used in Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT). It stems from Aaron Beck’s (1976) cognitive model within which he proposes that we can notice our NATs and subsequently process them differently IF we pay attention and learn to navigate them. My preferred approach, to process them differently, is to use a reflective journal and practice daily mindfulness.
To answer the question, I shared valuable and accessible science I had explored to develop a narrative on addressing emotions and being emotionally resilient in 2022 and beyond . Psychologist Dr. Susan David’s four key concepts in her book Emotional Agility resonated particularly strongly. She purports that “The process isn’t about ignoring difficult emotions and thoughts. It’s about holding those emotions and thoughts loosely, facing them courageously and compassionately, and then moving past them to ignite change in your life”.
To do this, she developed a four-step conceptual model. I practice it in my professional and personal life and hope you too might find it of use;
1. Showing Up:
Instead of ignoring difficult thoughts and emotions or overemphasising ‘positive thinking’, acknowledge and face into your thoughts, emotions and behaviours willingly, with curiosity and kindness.
2. Stepping Out:
Detaching from and observing your thoughts and emotions to see them for what they are—just thoughts, just emotions. Essentially, learning to see yourself as the chessboard, filled with possibilities, rather than as any one piece on the board, confined to certain preordained moves.
3. Walking Your Why:
Your core values provide the compass that keeps you moving in the right direction. Rather than being abstract ideas, these values are the true path to willpower, resilience and effectiveness; develop & define them if you haven't already done so.
4. Moving On:
Small deliberate tweaks to your mind-set, motivation, and habits – in ways that are infused with your values, can make a powerful difference in your life. The idea is to find the balance between challenge and competence, so that you’re neither complacent nor overwhelmed. You’re excited, enthusiastic, invigorated. This takes time and for me was a lengthy trial and error exercise; 2022 has elucidated how it will constantly evolve.
So, in response to the view that self-regulation is about hiding emotions, I would argue that the amount of psychological effort required to hide emotions far outstrips that needed to pay attention to them and move on. The model above offers a powerful strategy that can be used to help you or that you can use to help others navigate everyday thoughts, feelings and emotions.
Amidst all the science, it always surprises me as to where, when and how I get reminded of the power of our emotions and NATs. Whilst on the treadmill my playlist blasted out the Red Hot Chili Peppers “Dark Necessities”. I’m sure there are many interpretations to this song, but for me I leverage some of its lyrics as a positive acceptance that we can navigate our difficult emotions. The line “Dark necessities are part of my design” makes me pay attention once again to the thoughts that are part of my design. It’s a positive acceptance that all thoughts and emotions need navigating if we are to be truly emotionally intelligent and agile.
We all have what may be perceived as a dark necessity and it’s OK to call it that and as the lyrics go on to say:
“Darkness helps us all to shine”
Neena Speding
MSc Psychology & Neuroscience of Mental Health
MSc Psychological Sciences
MBPsS
Chartered MCIPD
First class BSc (Hons) HRM, PGCE
References:
Beck, A. T. (1979). Cognitive therapy and the emotional disorders. Penguin.Chicago
David, S. (2016). Emotional agility: Get unstuck, embrace change, and thrive in work and life. Penguin.
At epoché I am passionate about well-being and psychology beyond just what I do.
So Friday 4th Feb 2023 is World Cancer Day but for many Cancer day is every day
With a pinch of your passion and an inch of your inspiration ...
could you help young people get an insight to your career pathway?
Among the hustle and bustle of trying to get a socially distanced seat at a recent neuroscience seminar, I overheard a remark:
“We should consider designing learning interventions for the brain and not the learning style”
With two millennials, one teenager and an even bigger kid with a passion for all things hi-fi in the house you can probably imagine the cacophony of sounds that sometimes greets me.
I recently received a communication that was signed ‘Mx’ from a colleague who had previously signed communications as ‘Mr’. This prompted me to ask some questions and do some research; for me it is not about labelling and compartmentalising, it is about being informed, inclusive and respectful.
I constantly seek research and findings that effectively and meaningfully link academia and the real world. A recent example that sparked my imagination was discovering the works of Elizabeth Blackburn a Nobel prize winning, molecular biologist.
World Mental Health Day.
A collaboration between Neena Speding (epoché.com) &
Dominic Ciambrone (theshoesurgeon.com)
So, here’s two questions:
Would you frequent a commercial cannabis establishment if you were in a place where it was legalised?
Would you partake in any Cannabis consumption with a client/colleague of that region?
The relationship between mindfulness and stress is well documented. Our awareness of stress and the negative impact it has on ours and other lives is becoming more perceptible. Mindfulness, as a stress reducing therapy, is becoming increasingly used in clinical practice and its impetus in and outside the workplace is gaining steady traction.